Oh No! It's Another One!
by Im A Brandybuck
Summary: Are you sick of the same old Mary Sues? Me too. That's why I wrote this. I'm poking fun of all the sterotyped Mary Sues! And what's a HP story without a selfinserted character? Oh, and Harry Potter is in there and a TriWizard Tournament.
1. We're Speshul

Author's Note: Wow, I haven't written anything in two years! And nobody thought I would make a comeback, eh? Well this is my first Harry Potter story I'm posting on this site. Just to let yall know, I have read the books, but it's been a while so please forgive me if my information is incorrect. I hope nobody takes this seriously! It's just for fun. Please enjoy.

**Oh No! It's Another One!**

It was Harry Potter's fourth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The opening banquet was about to begin. Usually, this was the time when Professor McGonagall called out the first year's names and have them sorted by the Sorting Hat. But this year was different.

Headmaster Dumbledore adressed the entire student body with a shocking announcement. "My dear students," he began, "This year we have four new students. They are transfer students from America and they will be sorted before anyone else because they claim to be special."

The students whispered amongst themselves for a few seconds before the doors burst open. Four young girls, who looked to be about fourteen years old, walked down the long ailse and stood in front of Dumbledore. The students stared at these four new students with curiosity.

"Before they are sorted, I would like each student to introduce herself." Dumbledore said loudly, then muttered to himself, "Odd how all four of these students are girls…"

The first girl shoved Dumbledore out of the way and begun to speak. She had natural blonde hair that was curled in perfect ringlets. Her sparkly blue eyes could be seen by the kids sitting on the opposite side of the hall, she had curves in all the right places and a killer tan. Her lips were a perfect pink color and she had rosy red cheeks and a little button nose. She wore a blue jean mini skirt from Hollister and a tiny tank top that read 'Abercrombie and Fitch'.

"Like, hellooooo!" She said, rather bubbly. "My name is Calista Nicole Rebecca Rose Ashely Jackson!"

Every single student in the room blinked.

"What did she just say?" Ron Weasley asked his friends.

Calista was expecting every boy to throw himself at her at that moment, but when nothing happened, she continued on. "I am from Los Angeles, California. My Daddy is a big time director in Hollywood and my Mother is a dentist! So we're obviously very rich. I go tanning three times a week, I whiten my teeth, and shave my legs every other day! Tee hee!"

The students still stared at her, but this time their mouths were hanging open. When Dumbledore noticed this, he immediately grabbed the sorting hat.

"Yes, yes Miss Jackson. Now please take a seat and let me place the hat on your head." Dumbledore slowly placed the hat on Calista's head, but Calista shoved it off.

"Ew, no way! That's like so not in style." She stood up and started making her way towards the Gryffindor table.

Dumbledore sighed and replied, "Oh well. That'll do. Next student, please!"

The second girl slowly walked to the middle and began to speak. She had jet black shoulder length hair, bright green eyes, pale white skin, and wore all black. On her t-shirt read the words "My Chemical Romance", and she even had a little circular pin on her shirt that read "So long and goodnight" on it. She wore black leggings and black ballet slipper shoes.

"Hello, my name is Raven Moore. I'm fourteen years old and I'm from New York. I'm pure blooded. I like to write deep meaningful poetry in my dark room while being surrounded by candles. But I don't cut myself because that's too scene and I don't want to be a part of society. You are all a bunch of stupid sterotyping people, so leave me alone. Thank you."

Without saying another word, Raven sat on the stool and Dumbledore placed the Sorting Hat on her head.

"SLYTHERIN!" It shouted. Hey, who didn't see that one coming?

Raven shuffled her way over to the Slytherin table and took a seat opposite Draco Malfoy. He raised his eyebrows and purred at her. "Pervert." Raven mumbled. '_Hot _pervert.' She thought to herself.

Next, the third girl approaced the stool. She wore blue jeans and a red shirt that read 'Coca-cola' on it. She had light brown hair and blue eyes.

"Hi," the girl said, souding very normal. "My name is Kathryn Courville and I'm from Louisiana. I'm fourteen years. I'm also a half-blood witch. My Mom is a muggle and my Dad is a witch! Go me!" She sat down on the stood and the Sorting Hat was placed on her head.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat shouted.

The Hufflepuff students cheered. "We got the normal one! We got the normal one! We got the normal one!" The Gryffindor and Slytherin kids scowled.

Finally, the last girl took the stand. She had dark brown hair and brown eyes. She wore a knee-length blue skirt and a white button down shirt. She also wore thick-rimmed glasses.

"Hello, my name is Abby Thompson. I'm fourteen year old and I'm from Virginia and I'm a half-blood witch. Thanks."

The sorting hat was placed on Abby. "RAVENCLAW!"

All the Ravenclaw students cheered as Abby made her way over towards them.

After the cheering died down, and all the first years were sorted, Dumbledore made his final announcement. "Before we begin our extravagant feast, I have one more announcement. We will be holding the TriWizard Tournament! Students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang will be arriving within the next few weeks. Now let the feast begin!"

Little did everybody know the importance of these four new students. One held a deep dark secret that could change everything, one was going to never be a virgin again, and the other two… well, they're not so important because they're not in Slytherin and Gryffindor. So who cares about them, right? WRONG!


	2. Calista Goes on A Search

After the feast was done, the students made their way up to their common rooms. Calista decided to introduce herself to the Golden Trio. She primped herself up quickly and then ran over to Harry Potter.

"HELLO!" She said excitedly. "My name is Calista Nicole Rebecca Rose Ashley Jackson!"

"Why do you have so many names?" Ron asked her in disgust.

Calista rolled her eyes and turned to Harry. "So, you got a girlfriend?"

Harry blinked. Then stuttered out, "A… uh, what?"

"A girlfriend, silly! Oh, and your English accent is like so HAWT!" Calista giggled like a three year old and punched Harry on the arm playfully.

Hermione grabbed Harry and Ron by the arms and walked away from Calista. "Come on, let's stay away from her."

As Hermione was dragging the boys away, Harry couldn't help but turn back around and look at this real life Barbie doll. 'She's just so perfect.' Harry thought to himself. 'Maybe if I somehow enter myself into the TriWizard tournament and win she'll love me!'

But Calista wasn't done trying to win Harry Potter's heart. She knew several spells and charms that would make him fall in love with her instantly, but sadly, she was too stupid to pronounce them. She was going to have to do this the muggle way. Calista was going to follow Harry and his friends around everywhere they went. The poor Canon Golden Trio would now become a Golden Quad.

Unfortunately for Hermione, she had to room with Calista. Hermione begged Professor McGonagall to please room her with someone normal, but she decline. McGonagall said Calista was a lovely young woman who seemed almost as bright and smart as Hermione. How wrong she was.

A few weeks later, as promised, the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students showed up at Hogwarts. Now the students began to enter the TriWizard Tournament. Calista wondered what it would be like if she won the tournament. She wanted eternal fame and glory at Hogwarts like she had back home in Los Angeles. And she wanted Harry Potter to be impressed and fall head over heels in love with her. But how?

Calista then remembered that dorky girl that arrived at Hogwarts with her named Abby. She found her in the library studying, as a typical Ravenclaw student might do. Or maybe not. Anyway, Calista ran up to Abby completely ignoring the whole 'be quiet it's a library' deal.

"Hey nerdy girl with no sense of style!" Calista shouted as she sat down next to Abby.

"No need to yell, I'm sitting right here." Abby said. "What do you want?"

"I was wondering if you knew a way to get me into the TriWizard Tournament?" Calista asked. "I want to enter and win the tournament to win Harry Potter's heart. Then we can get married in Paris and have a romantic honeymoon in Hawaii and have four children and grow old together!"

Abby adjusted her glasses and cleared her throat. "Uh, right. So… what was it you needed?"

"Like, weren't you listening?" Calista squeaked. "I want to play in the TriWizard Tournament! It seems really fun."

"You have to be at least seventeen years old." Abby replied. "And besides, Professor Dumbledore made it to where nobody can use a spell to get past it unless you're seventeen. Don't you pay attention when he's talking?"

Calista scoffed. "Uh, no. I'm too busy thinking about how hawt Harry is."

Abby sighed. "All right then. Sorry I couldn't help."

Calista then had an idea. "Hey! Aren't Hufflepuffs smart?" She asked Abby.

"Smarter than you, yes." Abby replied, not looking at Calista.

"Okay then, I'm off to find that Hufflepuff girl." Calista said happily, and skipped away.

Kathryn was sitting in the hall enjoying lunch with a few of her newly formed Hufflepuff friends. She was giggling and talking about how attractive the five members of NSYNC were when Calista shoved a few girls aside and sat next to Kathryn.

"Hi there!" Calista said.

Kathryn nearly choked on her pumpkin juice when Calista said this. "Uh, hello there. Can I help you?" Kathryn asked politely.

"Oh yes. I need a way to enter the TriWizard Tournament. Do you know how I could?" Calista asked and batted her eyelashes and tried to look all cute, but it didn't work.

"Umm… no I don't know of any way, sorry." Kathryn replied sounding slightly concerned.

"FINE THEN!" Calista screamed. She stormed out of dining hall and went on her way to look for the new Slytherin girl.

Meanwhile, Raven sat in the corner of the Slytherin common room. She had a notebook filled with poetry and other various things. Draco sat on the other side of the common room watching Raven. 'Wow, she's really pretty.' Draco thought to himself. A few seconds later, he shook his head in disbelief. 'Did I really just think that? What happened there? I don't even know this girl! Yet somehow, strangely, I'm falling in love with her. I have to go talk to her!'

Draco stood up, slicked his hair back, and then strutted over towards Raven. "Hello there." Draco said suavely.

Raven looked up and saw Draco looking at her. "Hi." Raven said flatly. "What do you want?"

"I just saw you from across the room and thought about how attractive you are." Draco replied with a cheesy, non-canonical grin on his face.

"Um, what?" Raven closed her book full of deep poetry and stood up. "Did you just tell me I was hot?"

Draco gave his famous smirk and said, "Yeah I did. You want to go on a walk around the castle?"

"Yeah, I guess." Raven replied. "Usually I don't talk to other people, but since you're really hot I'll give you a chance."

"Score!" Draco screamed, sounding very non-canonical again.

Draco escorted Raven out of the Slytherin common room and they began their walk around Hogwarts castle. Raven seemed very interested in the Bloody Baron and wanted to know why he was so bloody. This resulted in a very long story retelling by Draco, then the story somehow turned into Fallout Boy.

"Wow, I love their music." Raven said, and sounded slightly happy. "They're just so awesome. It's like I can relate to their songs."

Draco laughed and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about, but you're really hot!"

Then, out of nowhere, a high-pitched squeak was heard.

"Freaky girl!"

It was Calista.

She ran up to Raven and Draco obviously out of breath. After taking a few deep breaths and composing herself, she began to speak. "Do you know how I could enter the TriWizard Tournament and win the heart of Harry Potter?"

Draco grimaced at the sight of Calista. That jean mini skirt was not working for him. Shouldn't transfer students have to wear the dress robes too? Why can they prance around in muggle clothes?

"Come on Raven." Draco said. "Let's get away from this ghastly sight.

"Like… hellooooo?" I need help!" Calista yelled. But it was too late. Draco and Raven were gone. Calista sighed and sat down on the ground. "How will I ever be able to do this?"

"I can help." A random voice from the darkness replied. "But you have to help me in return."

Calista raised her eyebrows and stood up. "Oooh, like what, oh sexy random voice!"

There was complete silence. Then the voice understood what Calista said. "Oh no! No, no, no, no! Not that you dirty little git!"

Out of the shadows emerged Severus Snape. Calista made an "eww" noise and took a step back.

"My name is Severus Snape and I am your potions teacher. I can give you a temporary potion that can get you past Dumbledore's spell, but only for a second! And, you have to help me locate my long lost daughter."

Calista tilted her head. She looked confused.

"Do you understand what I just said?" Snape asked quickly.

"Like, do you ever shampoo your hair?" Calista asked.

Snape sighed. "That's not what I asked! Did you understand what I told you a second ago? I want you to locate my daughter, Raven Moore."

Calista perked up at the mention of Raven's name. "Oh! You mean that girl I was just talking to?"

"What?" Severus shouted. "That was her? I heard her name being announced at the sorting, but I couldn't locate her."

"Well, didn't you notice her in class?" Calista asked, while sounding slightly intelligent for a minute.

Severus didn't have an answer to this. "Nevermind that, just follow me and I'll get you that potion. Then you can cheat and win the heart of young Mr. Potter and I can see my daughter again."

Snape walked down a hallway and Calista followed close behind. Before Calista knew it, Snape shoved a potion in her hand. "Before you take this you need to already be in the room where you enter your name, understood?"

Calista nodded her head.

"Right before you drop your name in, take the potion and immediately run back out." Snape said and closed the door to his potions closet. "Now go find my daughter!"


End file.
